Sharing the diagnosis

Below is my Facebook post from Sunday, November 5 2023 when I shared the news of my diagnosis. I was intentional about the timing so I could read and respond to all of the comments. Someday when this is all in the rearview mirror, I want to be able to go back and remember how lovely everyone was and the specific kind words and actions I benefitted from. 

Tomorrow will be one week since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. 

 

Yeah, it caught me totally off guard, too! With no family history or known risk factors, I’m glad I got my first mammogram just after I turned 44 instead of waiting til the current American Cancer Society recommendation of starting at 45. Friday 10/27 started with a follow-up diagnostic mammogram and ended with 3 biopsies. Nothing could officially be said at that point, but the radiologist said the pattern of micro-calcifications (no tumor; they’re like little grains of sand) is highly indicative of cancer. 

 

The biopsy report shows it’s IDC, or invasive ductal carcinoma. Don’t panic at the word “invasive”. It just means the cancer cells are no longer confined within the original site, not necessarily that it's spread to the rest of my body. The cells are grade 2 to 3 “aggressive and fast-growing”. The next step is an MRI this Wednesday morning to see if the extent of the cancer actually matches what was seen on the mammogram. I have dense tissue (as do half of women in their 40s), which makes it really hard to distinguish between healthy tissue and cancer on a mammogram. I’m hoping for no lymph node involvement and normal hormone receptors on the cancer cells so I can kick this thing to the curb with surgery alone. 

 

My surgical consultation is scheduled for Nov. 21. Until then, I’m cautiously looking at options and trying not to worry. There are so many possible ways to remove cancer and to reconstruct boobs, some of which are too extensive to wrap my head and heart around right now. There are endless combinations of treatment contingencies like “If you do x, then you have to do y next, which may then exclude the possibility of being able to do z in the future.” Or “If you do x, then you might as well also do y because you’ll get a better overall outcome.” So, while I have a “wish list” surgical approach in mind based on what I know so far, I don’t know if I’ll be a good candidate for it. At this point, I don’t want my imagination to get ahead of the conversation with my surgeon. 

 

How am I doing?

 

Physically, just fine. I joined the YMCA in mid-September and have been getting strong through yoga, cycling, and weight lifting (my new favorite!). I have no physical restrictions, so I’ve been keeping that up. I was fatigued for a few days due to anxious sleeplessness so I got a mild prescription from my doctor, but now I’m back to sleeping well without needing that. I’m excited to finish my 4th half marathon next weekend!

 

Emotionally, it’s still a journey. I spent much of the first 5 days after the biopsies crying from fear, anger, and sadness. By Thursday morning, something had changed as I realized how many people care about me. I was still crying some, but when I did, they were tears of gratitude for just how much support I’m surrounded by. My family, work colleagues, writing buddies, group fitness instructors and friends at the YMCA, health care workers and pharmacy staff – there’s an overflow of love everywhere I look. I’m reconnecting with old friends. Acquaintances are becoming friends. Friends are connecting me with women who have already been down this path and I now have a whole new sisterhood of “boob friends”!

 

I’ll likely start a separate blog to share more about my experience with this cancer thing so I can post update links to Facebook, but keep Facebook focused more on my day to day life and stupid memes.

Sept 26th was my 44th birthday and I shared a long post about how I wanted this to be the most meaningful year of my life. 

 

I’ve decided that, even despite this diagnosis, it will still be the most meaningful year of my life. The hours and days will pass regardless of whether I approach them with courage or with fearful paralysis. 

 

It certainly won’t be the year I’d imagined, but it sure as heck won’t be a wasted year. It will be one full of love, wonder, healing, helping, allowing myself to be helped, and more than a few weird adventures! 

 

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and support.